Today

So today's been one of those days.  As I type the period, a cry wafts down the hall as if on cue. My darling girl has slept a grand total of half an hour; not nearly long enough for her first morning nap...here we go...

4 1/2 hours later: So yes, today's been one of those days. *type the period, wait for the cry...okay we're good*  This morning, I laid down with my little sapling to try and get her to sleep.  After all, I have things to do!  Reviews to write, a house to tidy, laundry to fold and put away, food to eat, a coffee to make.   She'd been up well over 2 hours and hadn't had a nap yet.  She was having a clingy day and I was starting to get very tired...  Unfortunately (or fortunately?), she can always tell when I just want her to go to sleep, and seems to be more determined to stay awake.   Sometimes I feel bad, but she isn't a newborn anymore; she's almost four months old!  Wait a minute, she's still a newborn.  Her wants are her needs, and that is the way it is until she starts gaining her independence by sitting up on her own, moving about on her own, learning to eat foods other than Mummy's milk.

As I lay beside her, she nursed and wriggled and waved her little hands.  I looked at my cell phone, pulled up a Solitaire game to play while she nursed, counting the minutes until she would fall asleep and I could get on with my day and be productive.  I could feel her staring at me as she ate, while I stared at an object.  She kept wriggling, and then finally, thrust her arm up to grab at my collarbone, where she held on tight.   Have you ever had someone grab your collarbone?  It gets your attention in a hurry.  I looked at her, and she looked back at me, and slowed down her wriggling.   I kept looking at her, put down my phone, and put my arm around her instead.  Her breathing slowed down, and she relaxed beside me, all the while gazing at me with those bright blue bottomless pools.  A few minutes later, she was fast asleep.

What does my child want?  To be held.  To be acknowledged.  As she nurses, she wants/needs to be nursed as well.  As in nourished.  As in cuddled, held, loved, comforted.  And here I am thinking she needs to sleep so I can get on with my life.  She IS my life!  I've been given the incredible, astonishing blessing and task of raising a child, and instead of relishing this opportunity to hold her and provide her with the physical contact and undivided attention she needs, I play Solitaire.

As I wrap up this post, my little sapling wakes up, and I hear a single cry; she wants to know where her Mummy is, or if she is alone in her Universe.  She is not alone.  I pick her up, and she rests herself against me, resting her head on my shoulder and holding a handful of my shirt tightly in her fist.  She is content just to be in contact with me, and relaxes as I type.  I look around my house.  Not as clean as it could be, but you know what, I still accomplished something.  I played with my little girl.  I talked to her and she talked to me.  I made a coffee and showed her how to do it.  We did some exercises.  She practiced eating from a spoon.  We went for a walk and looked at the leaves and flowers and sunlight and she fell asleep on my chest.

I think it ended up being a good day after all :)